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Ted the Rhino


I've got a pet rhino, his name is Ted

He lives in a ‘fridgerator next to my bed

Sometimes he's friendly, sometimes he's a grouch 

Be nice, or he might knock you off of the couch

Our pet rhino Ted

Verse 1:

I brought home a friend from my job one day

He came from India it's quite far away

He's big and he's gray with horns on his face

And he asked us is he could live at our place

Verse 2:

He's seemed like a nice guy so I said: "Sure!"

He just barely fit through the living room door

He bumped into the cabinet and smashed all the china

His horn ripped the curtain but the damage was minor


Verse 3:

I took Ted to a French restaurant

He French fries, French toast, and a chocolate croissant

But Ted got impatient, and chased the Maitre D’

And sat on the waiter, so we had to leave

Verse 4:

I asked Ted to go to a movie with me

An animated feature that was rated PG

But his head blocked the picture and a lady complained

So he ripped down the screen and we all ran away


Verse 5:

Ted the Rhino's got a really short fuse

Everybody hides if he's running loose

Don't joke about his horns, 'cuz if he overhears

You just might get thumped from the rear

Verse 6:

So I took Ted to anger management class

He's doing better and I hope that he'll pass

And if you find yourself getting mad all the time

Just take a deep breath and you'll be fine


© 2011 Alden Phelps

Instrumental track:

Here’s the original song:

© 2020 Alden Phelps